The Love Guru Review

The movie tells the story of a love guru (Mike Myers) who comes to America to fix the relationship problems of an NHL player (Romany Malco) at the behest of the team's owner (Jessica Alba).

Pros:
- Stephen Colbert is absolutely hilarious in a far too small role as a Toronto Maple Leafs commentator. His scenes were the only thing that dragged me through.
- It's less than 90 minutes counting the credits.

Cons:
- Having watched this movie it's very difficult to believe I ever though Mike Myers was funny. He spends the bulk of the movie mugging for the camera almost as though he's begging for laughs.
- The supporting actors often seem somewhat embarrassed to be in this project. There are numerous scenes where Jessica Alba looks visibly uncomfortable to be on screen with Myers. Romany Malco and Justin Timberlake are both very talented individuals and deserve so much better.
- The material is crude and sophomoric in a tremendously unfunny way. How many dumb fart and dick jokes can you possibly tell in 90 minutes? I'd rather die than watch Love Guru again, but if you feel motivated you can watch and count to get an idea.

Verdict:
- This movie was absolutely terrible and should signify the death knell of Mike Myers' non-Shrek career as a leading man. I can't possibly imagine the upcoming Austin Powers 4 will be any good. Colbert is hilarious, unfortunately he is on screen for maybe five of the film's 90 mintues and it sure isn't worth sitting through for that. Don't see this movie.

Overall Score: 2/10

Get Smart's Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control Review

Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control is a spin-off of this summer's Get Smart following two CONTROL techies played by Masi Oka (Heroes) and Nate Torrence (Studio 60).

Pros:
- The direct-to-DVD venue gives an appealing actor like Masi Oka an opportunity to play the leading man and he does a pretty solid job.
- Jayma Mays and Masi Oka, as on Heroes and despite her far too small role on the show, make for a delightful couple. The two have wonderful chemistry together and their scenes are genuinely amusing.
- Anne Hathaway's cameo is hilarious, she's funnier here in one small scene than in all of Get Smart.

Cons:
- Nate Torrence is not as appealing nor as charismatic as Masi Oka which leads to his primary scenes feeling rather bland.
- Like most straight to video releases, the direction, music and general production values are quite poor.
- The film's plot is nonsense and the relevance of the characters would probably lack clarity without having seen Get Smart.

Verdict:
- It's a pretty awful movie but Out of Control has a few laughs and a cute lead couple in Masi Oka and Jayma Mays. Definitely worth seeing if you enjoyed Carell's big screen Get Smart or if you enjoy Masi Oka's work on Heroes, otherwise I'd probably skip it.

Overall Score: 4/10

Finding Amanda Review

Finding Amanda is the story of an alcoholic gambling addict (Matthew Broderick) who goes to Las Vegas to convince his prostitute niece (Brittany Snow) to go to rehab in order to save his marriage (his wife is played by Maura Tierney).

Pros:
- Brittany Snow has become a really great actress, even in junk like Prom Night (in Prom Night she was actually so good that it made the films many flaws that much more noticeable). Here Snow is strong as perky prostitute who isn't quite as happy as she lets on, even though her character is quite unbelievable.
- Matthew Broderick, playing way against type, does a good job with his scummy character. The problem is that he's just an unlikeable louse that it's difficult to care about what happens to him after the millionth time he lies to those that care about him.
- Maura Tierney does a good job in a smaller role as Broderick's wife.

Cons:
- While Peter Tolan (co-creator of Rescue Me) has a knack for witty dialogue, he seems incapable of juggling the humor and dark drama found here. I definitely think, however, that Tolan will have a long directing career.
- The characters are really quite revolting, to Nip/Tuck sorts of levels, which makes it difficult to care how their story turns out. If the film itself were made more compelling then the appeal of the characters would be irrelevant, but here it's just so difficult to care.
- The characters are also remarkably stupid and make decisions at such a poor level that it's hard to believe either could achieve much success at anything, even at prostitution (let alone as a TV producer, like Broderick's character).

Verdict:
- Finding Amanda isn't a bad movie and it has some strong acting and witty dialogue but it isn't enough to overcome the wild fluctuations in tone and unlikeable characters.

Overall Score: 5/10

Superhero Movie Review

Superhero Movie is a spoof of the recent comic book movies, especially Spider-Man.

Pros:
- Though it's far from good Superhero Movie at least shows there is still hope for the spoof genre despite the best efforts of Jason Friedberg and Adam Seltzer (Epic Movie/Meet the Spartans etc) to forever ruin the genre.
- Drake Bell and Sara Paxton (who was the highlight of last year's middling Sydney White) make for a likable lead pair.
- Some of the jokes hit home quite well. Jeffrey Tambor and Brent Spiner have nice smaller roles.

Cons:
- A pretty high percentage of the humor falls flat, but even when it fails it's not as offensively stupid as the Friedberg/Seltzer disgraces.
- Leslie Nielson and Christopher McDonald are really not good here, though, in fairness, both are given a lot of terrible stupid scenes to play.
- It's simply not a good movie.

Verdict:
- Superhero Movie is junk. It does, at least, have a few laughs though and shows that there is still hope for a funny spoof movie in the future.

Overall Score: 3/10

Batman: Gotham Knight Review

Batman: Gotham Knight is a direct-to-video collection of six short stories set between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

Pros:
- The disparate talent involved in the project leads to a variety of creative and original takes on Gotham's Dark Knight.
- The collection's strongest, and most tied integrally tied to the Nolan Batuniverse mythology, short is In Darkness Dwells, from David Goyer the writer of Batman Begins. Bringing back the Scarecrow and adding Batvillain Killer Croc the story most closely resembles the 'feel' of the Nolan films and tels the most compelling, if underdeveloped, story.
- Most of the stories have, at least, a few moments of interest.

Cons:
- The animation is not of particularly high quality.
- The quality of the stories varies RADICALLY from story to story.
- Have I Got a Story For You, the film's first short, is so awful that it almost made me quit on the rest of them.

Verdict:
- Like all of these types of animated collections (The Animatrix comes to mind) the quality of the individual short films is all over the place. It's definitely worth seeing for hardcore Batman fans, but only a few of the stories are otherwise worthy. I really feel like this compilation should have turned out better.

Overall Score: 5/10

Hancock Review

Hancock is about a disgruntled superhero (Will Smith) who gets an image makeover from a publicist (Jason Bateman) and his wife (Charlize Theron).

Pros:
- Will Smith gives yet another strong performance. His Hancock is believably lonely, surly and flawed. He really does the best possible considering the material.
- Jason Bateman is great in support, he's one of the finest character actors in the business.
- The film's first half, despite some deep flaws, is pretty damn compelling.
- The film's underlying premise, of an anti-social superhero who needs an image makeover, is a good one.

Cons:
- About half through the film there is a giant plot twist that is so poorly executed (and obviously telegraphed) that it ruined the entire rest of the film for me.
- The film's climax and denouement are inept at best.
- What the hell happened to Peter Berg? His Friday Night Lights is my favorite football movie, The Kingdom was at least competent if utterly unspectacular, but Hancock is ineptly directed. Berg positions the camera so close to the actors' faces that it's often difficult to tell exactly what the hell is going on. Peter, move the damn camera out.
- Some of the humor is both foul and inept, such as when Hancock inserts the head of one prisoner up another's ass.
- Charlize Theron often seems confused though I hesitate to blame her because her character is so ineptly written.

Verdict:
- Hancock has an underlying premise that's pretty damn good and a strong cast, it's too bad the idea is poorly executed.

Overall Score: 4/10

Step Up 2 the Streets Review

Step Up 2 the Streets tells the story of a girl who is forced to leave the streets to join an artistic school and brings her own brand of dance with her.

Pros:
- Some of the dance scenes are surprisingly exciting.
- Though I wouldn't call them good actors leads Briana Evigan and Robert Hoffman have good chemistry and seem to at least be trying.

Cons:
- The story is as cliche and by the numbers as any I've ever seen following all the typical traits of an American romantic comedy and a sports movie perfectly.
- It's sad when the Channing Tatum cameo is one of the most compelling scenes in a movie.
- The non-lead actors are almost entirely terrible.

Verdict:
- It was much better than I expected but it's still a pretty poor movie. You can certainly find a better way to spend 98 minutes of your life.

Overall Score: 4/10

Rumor has it that the next outing for this insanely profitable series will be in 3D.

Wanted Review

Wanted tells the story of a young man drawn out of his pathetic life into a mysterious world of bullet-bending assassins.

Pros:
- Incredibly well designed, creative and exciting action scenes. Director Timor Bekmanbetov is incredibly creative in the direction of these scenes.
- James McAvoy, a tremendous young actor especially in Atonement, gives a fun and believable performance as he transitions from a nobody loser to a bad ass assassin.
- Angelina Jolie gives an enjoyable if typical performance.
- It's nice to see Morgan Freeman play a bit differently than his typical role.
- Unlike seemingly every recent event movie, it doesn't set itself up for a necessary sequel.

Cons:
- It's not a 'good' movie by any stretch of the imagination.
- Did you know the 'fates' send instructions on who deserves to be assassinated through giant factory sized looms? I didn't either. The plot in Wanted is, shall we say, a bit stupid.
- Why does the character in the beginning action scene have superpowers far beyond those of any other character we see?

Verdict:
- It's not an objectively great movie but Wanted was some of the most fun I've had a theater all year.

Overall Score: 8/10

Wall-E Review

Wall-E tells the story of the last robot left behind on Earth after humanity abandons the desecrated planet.

Pros:
- Wall-E himself is the single cutest and most well-designed animated character I've ever seen. Just the sight of him makes me happy.
- The first 45 minutes of Wall-E, almost dialogue free, are some of the best I've seen in any film...ever. Anyone not moved by Wall-E's near melancholic longing for company, and his pursuit of his I-Pod inspired love interest, Eve, has a heart of stone. I would have been content, no...content is the wrong word, overjoyed is more like it, just watching Wall-E and Eve wander around Earth for three straight hours.
- The film's animation is absolutely gorgeous. The stellar quality of the animation is perhaps best on display in the incredible outer space 'dance' Wall-E and Eve have outside of the humans' spaceship colony.
- Pixar is the most consistently great studio around, even their weakest film, in my opinion, Cars, compares favorably with the best work of most other animation studios. Wall-E is a proud addition to the studios heritage and stands tall in the upper echelon of Pixar's work: Toy Story 1 and 2, The Incredibles and Finding Nemo.

Cons:
- The film's second half, and the introduction of the humans, seems to sag a little bit. However, I'm quite certain that it feels weaker less because of any real flaws but more because of just how unbelievably good the first half is.

Verdict:
- Wall-E is one of the best animated movies of all time and a shoo-in for my top 10 at the end of the year. Wall-E, himself, is the best designed character I've ever seen and his love story is one of the most touching. I can't recommend this highly enough.

Overall Score: 9/10

Pathology Review

Pathology tells the story of a medical student (Milo Ventimiglia) drawn into a dark game of students killing people as in manners as untraceable as possible.

Pros:
- Ventimiglia gives a decent enough performance in the lead role.
- The story, surprisingly, manages to keep Ventimiglia's lead character as a much grayer and less heroic character than might have been expected. Generally a movie like this would see the lead as a hero fighting the evil around him, here Ventimiglia's character is far darker and, perhaps, more compelling than the material deserves.

Cons:
- Nearly every member of the supporting cast, especially lead villain Michael Weston, give performances that are amateurish at best.
- The premise, in and of itself, is really quite stupid.
- There are plot holes you could fly a 747 through.
- Despite Ventimiglia's interesting performance, the film's structure and plotting is so poorly thought out that the film is a labor to get through.
- The direction, editing and general production values are poor.

Verdict:
- Ventimiglia tries (and gives me hope for his career after Heroes) but the material is simply not very good.

Overall Score: 3/10

The Strangers Review

The Strangers, starring Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman, tells the tale of a young couple terrorized by the strangers outside their house

Pros:
- The acting from both Tyler and Speedman is really quite remarkable. Speedman's difficulty in emotionally deal with Tyler's rejection of his marriage proposal is very believable. Tyler is believably terrified throughout, but she doesn't have as much emotional material to work with.
- Director Bryan Bertino masterfully frames his shots throughout. Bertino also does a tremendous job of ratcheting up the tension to an almost unbearable level by the end of the film. Bertino also wrote the film and his screenplay is not half bad.
- Assuming it is the film's goal, The Strangers did a remarkable job of making me feel uneasy.

Cons:
- The biggest problem with the film is that it didn't feel scary at all, just mortifying. In the torture porn movies (Saw, Hostel, etc) there is a moment of queasiness just before each disgusting thing happens, The Strangers is like having that feeling stretched out for 90 straight minutes.
- The ending is a letdown.

Verdict:
- The Strangers is surprisingly well made and incredibly tense, but it all just amounts to an exercise in sadism.

Overall Score: 6/10

The Eye Review

Jessica Alba plays a blind woman who begins to see scary things after an eye transplant in this Asian horror remake.
Pros:
- Jessica Alba actually isn't terrible here (which isn't meant to say she's good).
- It's better than One Missed Call.
- It has some pretty interesting images and a moderately exciting climax.
- Alessandro Nivola is decent in support.

Cons:
- Horrifyingly stupid explanation.
- Why are mediocre Asian horror movies remade into poor American horror movies so frequently?
- Parker Posey gives one of the worst performances of an otherwise strong career (but is still better than Alba).
- Rade Serbidzija embarrasses himself, though the material does him no favors.

Verdict:
- Certainly not the worst you'll see in the genre, The Eye is almost competently acted and directed, though its silly plot and dumb explanations make for a pretty middling movie.

Overall Score: 4/10

The Happening Review

M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening concerns a mysterious ailment afflicting humanity wherein people across the country mysteriously begin committing suicide.
Pros:
- There some beautiful and haunting images here especially in the early segments.
- John Leguizamo gives an alright performance in support.
- At least it's more tolerable than Lady in the Water, perhaps because of the copious unintentional comedy. I couldn't stop laughing when the zoo employee feeds himself to his lions.

Cons:
- The story (and explanation) is TREMENDOUSLY stupid
- Mark Wahlberg gives easily the worst performance of his career, his pronunciation of words is unnervingly incompetent.
- Zooey Deschannel is terrible here.
- I hate M. Night Shyamalan's writing an unbelievable amount.
- To say that there are a plotholes is an understatement akin to saying a handful of people died in World War II.

Verdict:
- I really can't stand Night nor his films. He is a pretentious ass in interviews and his work has been on a steady decline throughout his career. I think it's fair at this point to say that Sixth Sense was an aberration and Lady in the Water, The Village and The Happening are the sort of work we should expect in Night's future.

Overall Score: 3/10

The Incredible Hulk Review

Pros:
- It's much better than Ang Lee's 2003 Hulk mess.
- Edward Norton makes a nice replacement for Eric Bana, he's one of the finest actors working today and does good work here.
- Tim Roth is a big time change of pace from the usual comic book villain and I think his Abomination really works.
- The film has a nice sense of humor and a suitable (but not slavish) devotion and appreciation for the source material.
- I love the Tony Stark cameo and the continued efforts (started with the Nick Fury cameo in Iron Man) to integrate the whole Marvel universe and build towards The Avengers in 2011. I also appreciate, like in Iron Man, subtle hints were dropped to open the way for a sequel.

Cons:
- Liv Tyler's Betty Ross is a really vanilla character.
- Poor William Hurt hasn't given a particularly good performance in a long time, this is no exception.
- I hate CGI, there's WAY too much of it here.
- The movie feels kind of cheaply made and it's disturbing that it has a bigger budget than significantly more impressive event movies like Iron Man or Transformers.

Verdict:
- While it's no Iron Man, Incredible Hulk is a solid but unspectacular comic book movie that has at least managed to restore my faith that the big green fella CAN make for an effective film.
- I'm EXTREMELY curious to see the less commercial more introspective cut that Norton had wanted and the hour longer director's cut that will appear on the DVD/Blu-Rays. Marvel had mandated they release this present, more commercial, version.

Overall Score: 7/10

You Don't Mess with the Zohan Review

Pros:
- Surprisingly funny
- Really funny riff on political wives
- It's sad that Adam Sandler and Judd Apatow's political 'unity' messages feel less forced than most of the political focused movies we see lately.
- Solid (but predictable) Adam Sandler performance and decent supporting work by John Turturro and Emmanuelle Chiriqui

Cons:
- Very very dumb
- I feel somewhat guilty recommending this

Verdict:
- Not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but for something so dumb I sure did laugh a lot...

Overall Score: 6/10

Kung Fu Panda Review

Pros:
- Gorgeously animated in a wonderfully designed setting
- The humor is, thankfully, timeless and universal instead of based largely on pop culture references like many of the previous Dreamworks CGI movies (the Shreks, Shark Tale, Bee Movie, Madagascar)
- Great voice work from a truly impressive assemblage of talent (Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Ian McShane, David Cross, Michael Clarke Duncan, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogan and Lucy Liu)
- Beautiful score

Cons:
- By-the-numbers and uncompelling story
- Some of the impressive voice acting cast is criminally underused, especially Jackie Chan and Seth Rogan

Verdict:
- Not the best animated movie you'll ever see but Kung Fu Panda is definitely funny and beautiful to look at.

Overall Score: 7/10

Meet the Spartans Review

I must be some sort of masochist for having sat all the way through this piece of trash. My hatred of the co-writer/co-director pair of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer knows no end. The tandem, also responsible for such cinematic luminaries as Epic Movie and Scary Movie 4, are the worst director's currently employed. The direction is inept. The writing is putrid. The acting is humiliating. I loathe everything about this movie and I hope that a condition of resolving the potential SAG/AMPTP strike is that Friedberg and Seltzer are banned from making films so that no more careers can be damaged by their involvement.

Overall Score: 1/10

Sex and the City Review

While I certainly grant that I, as a straight male, am not the intended audience of this, Sex and the City is, objectively, not a very good movie. When an average episode of the series runs for less than 30 minutes and the film runs for two and half hours there are obviously some issues of an overgrown narrative. Having seen a handful of episodes from the TV run of the SATC I say with some certainty that something has gone awry in translation.

On the whole SATC feels like those putrid ten minutes at the end of a typical American romantic comedy when the couple splits up only to inevitably get back together from some foolhardy grand gesture. Only the ten minute plot is drawn out to roughly fifteen times the length it should be. I don't buy the argument that I should need to embrace the 'fashion' and 'style' of the movie to enjoy it, that's specious. Also, if a wedding dress with a dead bird headpiece is what constitutes style then I'm content to not be in style.

I don't know when Sarah Jessica Parker stopped knowing how to act, but she fails to deliver a single recognizably human emotion here. Kristin Davis, who has great energy and is a magnetic screen presence, is left with almost nothing to do. I found Cynthia Nixon's character so unlikeable that I frankly just didn't give a damn about anything that happened to her. How fans have supported a character like that for years is beyond me. I must say, however, that I really enjoyed Kim Cattrall's work here. Cattrall manages to bring the most life to any of the roles, her emotional scenes are the most genuine and her wit is sharp. Her "you made a little joke" line to Parker was my favorite moment of the movie. Chris Noth's Mr. Big is so entirely unbelievable as a human being that I could barely watch his scenes.

Poor Jennifer Hudson is reduced to playing Parker's help in a manner that is more than a little stereotypical. The male supporting players (Jason Lewis, Evan Handler and David Eigenberg) all do a nice job but have almost nothing to work with. Perhaps I just don't get it and, certainly, SATC isn't directed at my demographic; but objectively it just isn't a very good movie.

Overall Score: 4/10

Ranking the Marvel Movies

As prelude to my Incredible Hulk review - which will be posted when I catch up on my backlog of unreviewed films - I present a ranking of the modern Marvel movies (starting in 1998 with Blade).

22. Blade: Trinity
21. The Invincible Iron Man (Animated)
20. Elektra
19. Hulk
19. Ghost Rider
18. The Punisher
17. Ultimate Avengers (Animated)
16. Ultimate Avengers 2 (Animated)
15. Blade
14. Daredevil
13. Spider-Man 3
12. Doctor Strange: The Sorcerer Supreme (Animated)
11. X-Men: The Last Stand
10. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
9. Daredevil: Director's Cut (definitely different enough to constitute a seperate ranking)
8. Blade 2
7. The Incredible Hulk
6. Fantastic Four
5. X-Men
4. Spider-Man
3. X2: X-Men United
2. Iron Man
1. Spider-Man 2 (the 2.1 DVD version is a better movie, though not different enough to constitute a new ranking)

Savage Grace Review

To be honest I had almost no interest in the subject matter of this film, the true story of a perverted upper crust American family in the post-WWII period onwards. I was drawn to the project because of Julianne Moore's lead role, one of the best actresses working today. Moore tries her best with the material but even she can't save it.

Undercut by boring direction, melodramatic music and a middling pretentious script, Savage Grace is rarely compelling. Julianne Moore seems to really try with a difficult and complex role, unfortunately she has nothing to work with either from the material or from her costars. Eddie Redmayne, playing Moore's son, is potentially the least compleling screen presense of ever seen. Exuding a vaguely unsettling feeling, Redmayne (who is fairly uncomfortable to look at) lacks the chops to sell this difficult role. He does little to develop or make believable the character, instead only the character's actions exist create any development - not the performance. Stephen Dillane is left with almost nothing to work with and also comes off poorly.

I can't really recommend this to anyone. Moore is adequate in the lead, however everything else about the film is subpar and the subject matter is highly uncomfortable, skip it.

Overall Score: 3/10