Monday, January 24, 2011

The Real Razzies

In honor of the Razzies Nominee announcement I've decided to post my own nominees for the worst movies of 2010. My problem with the Razzies is that they only nominate movies that the film snob and geek communities are supposed to hate, which leads to a decent movie like The Twilight Sage: Eclipse getting the most nominations or Jessica Alba getting nominated for a damn fine performance (in The Killer Inside Me, alongside three other roles). More importantly, they're afraid to go after the real film making disasters: when credible and legitimate talent makes garbage (Alice in Wonderland, I'm looking at you).

I should say that there are many 2010 movies that I have no doubt are truly awful that I have not seen.

Worst Picture
* Alice in Wonderland
* The Back-Up Plan
* The Bounty Hunter
* Case 39
* Knucklehead
* The Last Airbender
* Sex and the City 2
* Skyline
* Survival of the Dead
* Vampires Suck

Vampires Suck is the best movie yet from the "film-making" team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Regardless, it's still the worst movie of 2010. It seems surreal to me that there used to be funny spoof movies (like The Naked Gun or Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery) because the Friedberg/Seltzer combo has so thoroughly destroyed the genre with masterpieces like Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie and, of course, Vampires Suck.

Special notice goes to Alice in Wonderland, Sex and the City 2 and The Last Airbender for all finishing in the year's top 30 films at the box office and, in the process, shaking my faith in the viability of the American dream.

Also a special notice goes to How to Make Love to a Woman, the teen comedy starring Ken Jeong (The Hangover), Krysten Ritter ("Breaking Bad") and Ian Somerholder ("Lost"), for being the worst straight-to-DVD release of 2010 and the second worst movie I saw all year.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, Splice and You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger just miss the list because good work by the performers is enough to just slightly elevate piss poor material.

Worst Actor
* Brendan Fraser, Extraordinary Measures
* Garrett Hedlund, TRON: Legacy
* Robert Pattinson, Remember Me
* Noah Ringer, The Last Airbender
* Kenneth Welsh, Survival of the Dead

I don't actually think Robert Pattinson is all that bad an actor, but his Marlon Brando impersonation (why the character should be a Brando impersonation, I have no idea) in Remember Me is one of the most histrionic and awful performances I've ever seen - an easy win for the worst of 2010. I also wanted to make sure to point out the weak link in the otherwise watchable TRON: Legacy, Garrett Hedlund. I disliked his work enough that I now retroactively have a far lesser appreciation for Friday Night Lights.

Worst Actress
* Emma Bell, Frozen
* Katherine Heigl, Killers
* Jennifer Lopez, The Back-Up Plan
* Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City 2
* Renée Zellwegger, Case 39

The "winner" here is Jennifer Lopez for leading up one of the worst romantic comedies I've ever seen. I find myself thinking Frozen could have been a really great movie if it had some better performances.

Worst Supporting Actor
* Nicolas Cage, Kick-Ass
* Josh Gad, Love and Other Drugs
* Jason Patric, The Losers
* Jackson Rathbone, The Last Airbender
* Shawn Roberts, Resident Evil: Afterlife

I genuinely liked Kick-Ass and Love and Other Drugs so it saddens me to include them here. I actually kind of like Nicolas Cage (when he's properly motivated he's quite a great actor ala Leaving Las Vegas), but I have no idea what the hell he was trying to do here. Shawn Roberts is one of the least intimidating 'bad ass' villains I've ever seen in a movie. But Josh Gad was special. His was, easily, the single worst performance I saw all year (in many years, in fact). His immature, broad and downright creepy 'comedic' performance did EVERYTHING in its power to derail Love and Other Drugs and to sabotage the top flight performances of the film's leads. I have no idea why Edward Zwick cast him and I truly hope to never see another Josh Gad performance.

Worst Supporting Actress
* Cate Blanchett, Robin Hood
* Katie Cassidy, A Nightmare on Elm Street
* Brittany Daniel, Skyline
* Nicola Peltz, The Last Airbender
* Ninette Tayib, The Assassin Next Door [Kirot]

Cate Blanchett is a great actress, which might be why her performance in Robin Hood was so embarrassing. Cast as some sort of tough guy version of Maid Marion (with a full set of armor naturally), her character is reduced to rolling around drowning in a beach's surf during the film's climax... because the armor is too heavy for her to stand up in.

A few other minor awards:
Worst Special Effects in a Major Release: Daybreakers
Worst On-Screen Couple: Robin Hood
Worst Editing in a Major Release: The Expendables
Worst Use of Condescending to the Audience: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Worst Garbage Masquerading as an Art Film: Valhalla Rising
Worst Use of a Great Cast: Eat Pray Love
Worst Release Pattern that Sabotaged the Release of a Legitimately Good Movie: The Way Back
Worst Use of 3D: Clash of the Titans
Worst Use of 9/11 as a Manipulative Plot Device: Remember Me
Worst Incentive to Travel in Germany: The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

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